Today I cried. Real, big, fat, wet tears!
I cried out of frustration. Frustration as Max has cried ALL DAY and nothing I do will stop him. Not angelic little baby tears either but full on screaming in my ear and scratching at my face crying.
I cried out of tiredness. I’m oh so tired. I’m mentally and physically exhausted.
I cried as I felt like a failure. I doubt my abilities to be a good mum on days like today. Max tests my patience like no one else ever has and today I let it all get on top of me.
I cried as I’m disappointed. I thought my Post Natal Depression was a thing of the past but day’s like today just bring those old feelings back and make me realise I’m not quite over it.
I cried as I felt helpless. Max has a cold and no amount of baby chest rub or Calpol is helping him. I want to make his snotty little nose better but I can’t.
I cried out of guilt. I feel guilty that I’m not enjoying being a Mum as much as I thought I would. I know that when I go back to work in a few months I’ll wish I could relive these days again.
I cried as I’m ashamed. My Mum wanted to help me and I pushed her away. I hate to admit that I need help. I’m her baby girl and she was trying to help me and I wouldn’t let her, instead deciding to struggle through on my own as I’m too stubborn to accept her help.
Today was a bad day, we all have them, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. This will get easier, I know it will, I just have to take it one day at a time……