It seems like only yesterday I walked out of the office and started my maternity leave, full of excitement for the next chapter I had ahead of me. That was 13 months ago, a long time when you say it out loud. Yet here I am, sat here with my work bag packed, my lunch made, my clothes freshly ironed, ready for my first day back in work tomorrow. My maternity leave is officially over……and I’m quaking in my TopShop Chelsea boots!
I’m lucky that I’ll only be returning to work part time but that doesn’t make the thought any less daunting. It’s the end of an era. I’ll no longer be a full time mummy, I’m saying goodbye to a time I’ll never get back, a time when it’s just me and my baby. But the reality is, he’s not a baby anymore. He no longer relies solely on me, he’s growing into a chatty, inquisitive, independent little boy.
The truth is, he’s probably a bit bored of my company by now, and if he could talk he’d say he’s excited to be spending a few days with daddy and nanny when I’m at work, as he knows he’ll be fussed over and have their full attention. He’ll be looking forward to wrapping them around his little finger like he has done with me. He probably won’t even notice I’m gone for those few hours each day, barely taking a moment to stop and miss me.
But I’ll miss him. I’ll miss my shadow, my mini-me, my little bestie, my miracle baby.
I’m not going to sugarcoat it, maternity leave has been far from easy. The first few months are a blur, memories of Post Natal Depression still haunt me and it all passed by in a haze of sleepless nights. There were many days where we didn’t leave the house at all, instead we stayed indoors, shutting the world out. We didn’t go to one single baby class, or meet up with any fellow mum’s for coffee mornings. At the time I didn’t see an issue with this, but now it’s time to return to work I’m having a massive attack of mummy guilt. Did I waste our time off together? Should I have done more? Was Max bored?
But I know deep down it doesn’t really matter if we didn’t quite make it to that baby sensory class. What matters is I spent every waking minute keeping my baby safe, cuddling him close, encouraging him to reach those all important milestones.
Whilst Max has been busy smashing his way through those milestones, getting his first tooth and learning his first word, my first day back in the office is probably my most important milestone as his mum. My priorities have changed. I’m no longer the care free, capable woman I once was. My brain is full of baby related ‘stuff’ and I’m worried there’s no space in there for work related ‘stuff’. I need to switch from planning my day around the next episode of In the Night Garden to planning my day around meetings and deadlines.
But it’s not all doom and gloom. I am looking forward to being me for a few days a week, being referred to as ‘Jo’ rather than ‘Mama’, talking about something other than nappies and baby sick, and dressing in something other than leggings and jumpers.
So when I sit at my desk tomorrow morning I’ll focus on the positives….the hot cups of tea and the peaceful wees. And in those moments of uninterrupted peace I’ll use them to reflect on our amazing time together so far and look forward to all the important memories we are yet to make.
Good luck tomorrow. It’s hard leaving them at first but soon you’ll look forward to work for a rest. And it just makes your time together even more special
I’m sure that it is a very bittersweet moment for you. You are leaving behind a very special time of just focusing on Max and venturing out into the world of working Mum. I truly hope that your time at work is fulfilling for you and you are able to enjoy the time where you are Jo and not Mama. I’m sure Max will love being spoilt by Daddy and nanny x
I am sure you will be fine, it is hard to take the 1st step and the after first few days at work you will settle into your new routine. Just think you can have quality time with your little one and still be “you” in the office.
Good luck with you first day back after maternity leave! x
Although it’ll be difficult, i’m sure being back in an old environment with old friends will be refreshing. It’s a step forward and a big one at that. I feel like from this point on for you, time will just fly in. Good luck back at work!
Good luck I hope it works out for u. Although it maybe difficult to begin with I’m sure it will all work out fine for u.
Good for you and like you said I am sure that bubba will love being fussed over when you are in the office. Like you said you will miss him but it will also give you a chance to connect with others x
I hope your first day went well and you didn’t miss him too much! I’m sure Max will have a wonderful time being fussed over whilst you are there.
The first few days back are always the hardest but once you settle into the routine it gets easier.
It must be tough going back to work because despite the change of scenery and peaceful toilet breaks you must miss your little one x
Being a mum will always be guilt trip battle. Not going to lie to you, as you will feel guilty going to work and if you don’t work you might be able to afford a lot less. You could also lose a lot of confidence staying at home. So going out to work part time is a good solution.
In the end I found I had to just ease up on myself so much. I was doing the best I could and that’s all that matters. Life is about balance and if you can get that balance right with your child then you will have achieved a lot more than you expect.
Good luck going back to work. It will be heartbreaking but it will be good for you to have time away and working. Keep smiling X X
Good luck with your first day. 🙂
I don’t think you should worry about spending so much time with your baby. He is growing up and I don’t think he feels bored. All he needed was love from his mom, and that’s exactly what you gave him.
I hope your first day went well 🙂 I’m sure it will be quick to get back into work life 🙂 x
My sister in law today was telling me that she finding it tough. Especially as her boss want her to work longer hours. She also find herself really missing her daughter while at work.
However all situation are different. Good luck on your first day back .xx
I remember my first day back well, and I remember crying my eyes out. But after two hours at work I was loving it. And I remember how excited my babies were to see me when I got home again. Good luck xx
Can’t imagine how hard it’s gonna be for you but congratulations!
Its always going to be hard going back but I’m sure you’ll really appreciate the break after a couple of weeks. My friends said the same thing when they went back to work that it was great to be themselves rather than mam all the time! xxx
Ah hun I can so relate to this. Especially the part about not being able to get that full time mummy time back. I hope the return went ok and you are settling into a new routine now x
Thanks lovely. It’s a big adjustment but I’m getting used to it now x
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